Grant and the terrible horrible no good very bad day

*sorry the pictures are blurry, they are from my phone and I didn't transfer them over full size.

On June 17, Father's Day, we were enjoying a nice breakfast when everything changed in one second.  Jenna was still sitting at the kitchen table and I had just gotten Grant down from his seat.  He went behind Jenna and pulled back on her chair a bit.  She and the chair fell backwards right on Grant.  He started screaming right away and Erik scooped him right up.  He passed him off to me and Grant wasn't calming down like he usually does when I hold him.  He was flailing around and screaming harder.  While holding him I held him down towards the floor and we noticed his left leg limp looking.  Then right before our eyes we saw his left thigh swell to the size of a football.  We immediately got him in the car and went to ER.  Looking back we feel so bad that we moved him like we did and even put him in his carseat. 

This was taken about 30 minutes before he got hurt.  He was wearing his new Thomas underwear he got for his birthday over his diaper.  This is what he was wearing when we went to ER.

We got to ER and they got us back immediately.  Grant was sweating and screaming and I asked if he could have some pain meds, something was obviously wrong.  They said they needed to wait until after x-rays to see what was wrong since he might need an IV.  It was awful watching him in so much pain and not being able to help him.  I felt sick to my stomach.  They finally did the x-ray and got the results quickly.  The doctor called me out of Grant's room to show me the x-ray while Erik stayed with Grant.

He said he broke his femur, the largest and strongest bone in his body.
He said he may need surgery, this could be very bad with the veins and arteries in the thigh.
He said he needed to be transferred to a Children's Hospital immediately.
He said he wanted to air lift him, he needed to be seen by a Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon.

The X-Ray of the broken femur

I felt dizzy and sick.  We were prepared for a broken bone, but didn't think it would be something that we needed to be transferred for.  Meanwhile, they were trying to get an IV in Grant for pain meds.  They tried both arms and hands and couldn't get it in.  Erik was with him most of this time while I cowardly watched from the hall.  It's heartbreaking to watch your child go through this.  I wanted to break my own leg right then and there and let him be okay.  Erik and I would GLADY take his place if we could.  They finally got the IV in his foot.

We were then told the Children's Hospital's weren't sending the helicopters due to bad storms.  They decided to send him via ambulance.  Erik sat on the hospital bed and held Grant the whole time on the ambulance ride to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital.  I went home to pack bags and make sure Jenna was okay with my parents before I drove there by myself.  That was a VERY LONG DRIVE!  Poor Jenna was so sad and worried.  She felt guilty even though it wasn't her fault.

We were admitted to the Children's ER and they gave him a much higher dose of pain meds which we were so thankful for.  The doctor came in and said a lot of stuff...basically I heard:

Erik was stuck in this position for many hours just to keep Grant somewhat comfortable.This was in the ER at the Children's Hospital

Doctor:  Bad break...due to his age we aren't going to do surgery...you were lucky the break didn't puncture his skin...we'll do what's called a hip spica cast...we put him under full anesthetic to do it...we'll move you up to pre-surgery soon.

Me: So, will he be okay?  Can you spell the name of that cast for me?  I want to google it. 

There had already been many tears by all of that morning so when I googled "hip spica cast" I just started crying.  I remember thinking, are you serious?  He is not even two years old, he won't be able to move, he will be stuck and miserable, it's summer and hot out, how will we do this, I don't think I'll be at work for a while.  There were so many thoughts going through our heads.  While we waited to be moved we were visited by great team members, a case manager who was taking care of us, offering us sandwiches and something to drink, an ipad to email family, anything.  We were just trying to keep Grant comfortable enough and stay quiet if he was quiet. 

We had to wait a while for his turn in surgery since there was only one Orthopedic surgeon there and they had a couple emergencies come in, much worse than Grant.  They did a good job at keeping him someone comfortable with meds until it was his turn.  They took him back, asked us what color we wanted to cast (Erik picked red since Elmo and Lightening McQueen are both red) and we were sent to the waiting room. 

This is what we saw when we were called back to see him and he was waking up.  It was so sad.

Grant and his red hip spica cast, my heart was breaking

The next day in the hospital the Physical Therapists showed us how to position him on his stomach

 Much more of the story to come...

Unfortunate Reminders and a Renewed Perspective

I recently found Layla's blog and I was in tears almost immediately reading it. Poor little Layla and her family are fighting an awful cancer that invaded Layla's two-year old body. They now have Hospice with them and are praying and hoping for a miracle, but realize her fight may soon be over.

I can't find the words to describe how I think I would feel if this were me and my family, but the tears streaming down my face while I was reading her posts gave me only a hint of an idea. While I pray for Layla and her family, I can't help but be reminded of all the harder parts of being a parent and how I wouldn't change those for anything in the whole wide world.

Last week Jenna got an awful stomach virus and was in ER getting an IV and fluids, along with blood work and an x-ray. That was so hard for Erik and I to watch, and I sit here now thinking that type of day for Layla and her family would probably feel like a vacation!

This is a great reminder for me, with all the stress and busy days of our life; take every nagging toddler, screaming baby, tantrums, and annoyances that keep us from getting things done everyday and cherish those moments. Unloading the dishwasher can wait if Jenna is asking me to read her a book, the laundry will still be there tonight. If she wants to help make dinner, which really means it will take double the time, let her. Play, read, cuddle, and don't take any moment for granted!

Jenna - I love you more than words can say. In your three years, you've brought your Dad and I so much joy, laughter, hope, and happiness. We can't imagine life without you and realize how lucky we are. I LOVE YOU!

Gone too soon

For whatever reason (must have been a bad moment) Erik decided on Saturday at Meijer that he wanted to get Jenna a little goldfish. Every time we go to the store she looks at the fish. We don't have any pets in the house, and at least for a while, we don't plan on it.

When Erik said he wanted to get Jenna a fish I said "Fine, but I am having nothing to do with it, I won't clean the bowl or anything."

He said okay, and they picked out the stuff and a little goldfish. Jenna was so excited she was practically screaming for joy in the store. She even picked out a little castle for the bowl so the fish had a house.

She decided to name the fish Carrot Nose (don't ask me why) and we went home. They got it all set up and she had her fish. Of course, the reputation for Mejier goldfish is not the best, but Erik said, "It's only .19 cents, we'll get another one."

By Saturday night it was already kinda laying low in the bowl, squirming it's way into the rocks at the bottom. Not a good sign. But, Sunday morning we woke up and he was swimming around, and when Jenna fed him, he seemed happy. She just loved this fish, always talking to him, and wanted to take him out and "scratch his body." Again, don't ask me where she got this.

Monday morning I woke up and Carrot Nose was a goner! Of course Erik is in the shower when Jenna wakes up, making me the person who has to explain why her fish is floating on the top and not moving when she shakes the bowl. UGH!

I tried to tell her he was sick and missed his friends and family at the store. She said,
"But I love him and I miss him. He will be my buddy forever! I want him to feel better." It was so sad! She had a few sad moments, and told Erik about it, then after daycare that day she came home and Carrot Nose and his belongings were all gone. She asked about it and was sad, then just moved on!

So, our first experience with a loss and she did pretty well! Now Erik is back to his senses and we will not be replacing Carrot Nose as of now.

Sad

I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this with the Internet, but in a way writing about it is cathartic for me.

It's been a rough, sad couple of weeks for us! Last week we went through a miscarriage. It was and still is sad for me, although at this point right now I am mad. I hate how common they are, I hate that three of my best friends went through this too, and I hate it happened to me. I feel sad and empty.


We want a little brother or sister for Jenna so bad, and I know one day we will be pregnant again and have that, but right now it's hard. We've gone through so many emotions from excitement, to worry, to being anxious, to being sad, and now we are trying to be hopeful.

If there is any positive out of this, it's been a great reminder on how lucky we are to have the friends and family that we have. Everyone has been so supportive and have been there for us. There isn't anything anyone can say or do to make it better, but just the fact that people call to say sorry and just say they are thinking of us is nice.

I'm bitter right now, I know that's not in my normal personality traits, but it's the truth right now. I get asked every day

"When are you gonna have another?"

"It's time for Jenna to have a sister or brother!"

"The clocks ticking...don't you want them close together?"

"When is number two coming along?"

These comments didn't used to bother me, in fact, I'm sure at some point in my life I've said them to someone else (sorry!).

I just want to scream to them,
"We've been trying for nine months!!! We finally got pregnant and then had a miscarriage! So shut up!"

At which point, they would think I was a crazy hormonal lady and probably try to have me committed.

Anyway, I'm sorry for anyone who went through this or is going through it now. Infertility and losses are not fair and there is no way to explain why it happens.

We are looking forward to moving on and I'm very happy to be feeling physically better as well.

I cannot imagine...

Oh my God! WARNING...this is a very sad story, but I cannot get it out of my head.
Please pray for this family. I cannot even imagine! I know this is rare, but these are the times I wish so badly that I could be home with Jenna everyday. That poor innocent little boy! I am going to give Jenna an extra hug and kiss today! Please do the same to all the kids you love!