I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this with the Internet, but in a way writing about it is cathartic for me.
It's been a rough, sad couple of weeks for us! Last week we went through a miscarriage. It was and still is sad for me, although at this point right now I am mad. I hate how common they are, I hate that three of my best friends went through this too, and I hate it happened to me. I feel sad and empty.
We want a little brother or sister for Jenna so bad, and I know one day we will be pregnant again and have that, but right now it's hard. We've gone through so many emotions from excitement, to worry, to being anxious, to being sad, and now we are trying to be hopeful.
If there is any positive out of this, it's been a great reminder on how lucky we are to have the friends and family that we have. Everyone has been so supportive and have been there for us. There isn't anything anyone can say or do to make it better, but just the fact that people call to say sorry and just say they are thinking of us is nice.
I'm bitter right now, I know that's not in my normal personality traits, but it's the truth right now. I get asked every day
"When are you gonna have another?"
"It's time for Jenna to have a sister or brother!"
"The clocks ticking...don't you want them close together?"
"When is number two coming along?"
These comments didn't used to bother me, in fact, I'm sure at some point in my life I've said them to someone else (sorry!).
I just want to scream to them,
"We've been trying for nine months!!! We finally got pregnant and then had a miscarriage! So shut up!"
At which point, they would think I was a crazy hormonal lady and probably try to have me committed.
Anyway, I'm sorry for anyone who went through this or is going through it now. Infertility and losses are not fair and there is no way to explain why it happens.
We are looking forward to moving on and I'm very happy to be feeling physically better as well.