Grant and the terrible horrible no good very bad day

*sorry the pictures are blurry, they are from my phone and I didn't transfer them over full size.

On June 17, Father's Day, we were enjoying a nice breakfast when everything changed in one second.  Jenna was still sitting at the kitchen table and I had just gotten Grant down from his seat.  He went behind Jenna and pulled back on her chair a bit.  She and the chair fell backwards right on Grant.  He started screaming right away and Erik scooped him right up.  He passed him off to me and Grant wasn't calming down like he usually does when I hold him.  He was flailing around and screaming harder.  While holding him I held him down towards the floor and we noticed his left leg limp looking.  Then right before our eyes we saw his left thigh swell to the size of a football.  We immediately got him in the car and went to ER.  Looking back we feel so bad that we moved him like we did and even put him in his carseat. 

This was taken about 30 minutes before he got hurt.  He was wearing his new Thomas underwear he got for his birthday over his diaper.  This is what he was wearing when we went to ER.

We got to ER and they got us back immediately.  Grant was sweating and screaming and I asked if he could have some pain meds, something was obviously wrong.  They said they needed to wait until after x-rays to see what was wrong since he might need an IV.  It was awful watching him in so much pain and not being able to help him.  I felt sick to my stomach.  They finally did the x-ray and got the results quickly.  The doctor called me out of Grant's room to show me the x-ray while Erik stayed with Grant.

He said he broke his femur, the largest and strongest bone in his body.
He said he may need surgery, this could be very bad with the veins and arteries in the thigh.
He said he needed to be transferred to a Children's Hospital immediately.
He said he wanted to air lift him, he needed to be seen by a Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon.

The X-Ray of the broken femur

I felt dizzy and sick.  We were prepared for a broken bone, but didn't think it would be something that we needed to be transferred for.  Meanwhile, they were trying to get an IV in Grant for pain meds.  They tried both arms and hands and couldn't get it in.  Erik was with him most of this time while I cowardly watched from the hall.  It's heartbreaking to watch your child go through this.  I wanted to break my own leg right then and there and let him be okay.  Erik and I would GLADY take his place if we could.  They finally got the IV in his foot.

We were then told the Children's Hospital's weren't sending the helicopters due to bad storms.  They decided to send him via ambulance.  Erik sat on the hospital bed and held Grant the whole time on the ambulance ride to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital.  I went home to pack bags and make sure Jenna was okay with my parents before I drove there by myself.  That was a VERY LONG DRIVE!  Poor Jenna was so sad and worried.  She felt guilty even though it wasn't her fault.

We were admitted to the Children's ER and they gave him a much higher dose of pain meds which we were so thankful for.  The doctor came in and said a lot of stuff...basically I heard:

Erik was stuck in this position for many hours just to keep Grant somewhat comfortable.This was in the ER at the Children's Hospital

Doctor:  Bad break...due to his age we aren't going to do surgery...you were lucky the break didn't puncture his skin...we'll do what's called a hip spica cast...we put him under full anesthetic to do it...we'll move you up to pre-surgery soon.

Me: So, will he be okay?  Can you spell the name of that cast for me?  I want to google it. 

There had already been many tears by all of that morning so when I googled "hip spica cast" I just started crying.  I remember thinking, are you serious?  He is not even two years old, he won't be able to move, he will be stuck and miserable, it's summer and hot out, how will we do this, I don't think I'll be at work for a while.  There were so many thoughts going through our heads.  While we waited to be moved we were visited by great team members, a case manager who was taking care of us, offering us sandwiches and something to drink, an ipad to email family, anything.  We were just trying to keep Grant comfortable enough and stay quiet if he was quiet. 

We had to wait a while for his turn in surgery since there was only one Orthopedic surgeon there and they had a couple emergencies come in, much worse than Grant.  They did a good job at keeping him someone comfortable with meds until it was his turn.  They took him back, asked us what color we wanted to cast (Erik picked red since Elmo and Lightening McQueen are both red) and we were sent to the waiting room. 

This is what we saw when we were called back to see him and he was waking up.  It was so sad.

Grant and his red hip spica cast, my heart was breaking

The next day in the hospital the Physical Therapists showed us how to position him on his stomach

 Much more of the story to come...

Sad

I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this with the Internet, but in a way writing about it is cathartic for me.

It's been a rough, sad couple of weeks for us! Last week we went through a miscarriage. It was and still is sad for me, although at this point right now I am mad. I hate how common they are, I hate that three of my best friends went through this too, and I hate it happened to me. I feel sad and empty.


We want a little brother or sister for Jenna so bad, and I know one day we will be pregnant again and have that, but right now it's hard. We've gone through so many emotions from excitement, to worry, to being anxious, to being sad, and now we are trying to be hopeful.

If there is any positive out of this, it's been a great reminder on how lucky we are to have the friends and family that we have. Everyone has been so supportive and have been there for us. There isn't anything anyone can say or do to make it better, but just the fact that people call to say sorry and just say they are thinking of us is nice.

I'm bitter right now, I know that's not in my normal personality traits, but it's the truth right now. I get asked every day

"When are you gonna have another?"

"It's time for Jenna to have a sister or brother!"

"The clocks ticking...don't you want them close together?"

"When is number two coming along?"

These comments didn't used to bother me, in fact, I'm sure at some point in my life I've said them to someone else (sorry!).

I just want to scream to them,
"We've been trying for nine months!!! We finally got pregnant and then had a miscarriage! So shut up!"

At which point, they would think I was a crazy hormonal lady and probably try to have me committed.

Anyway, I'm sorry for anyone who went through this or is going through it now. Infertility and losses are not fair and there is no way to explain why it happens.

We are looking forward to moving on and I'm very happy to be feeling physically better as well.

Baby Stellan

I've started reading this blog and right now it's breaking my heart! I have been praying for baby Stellan and his family. Stellan has a heart problem and has been in the hospital for a while now with nothing really improving. He was diagnosed with it while his mom was still pregnant with him and they were told her would not make it. He is a miracle!

I look at this sweet little boy and wonder how is this fair, how can it be happening? While sometimes I complain or get frusterated when Jenna is being less than an angel, I also love her with all my heart and could not IMAGINE what I would do if she/we were faced with a challenge like this. Just thinking of it makes me want to leave work right now and go get her and hug her all day (which she would NEVER let me do anyway). He is hooked up to IV's, tubes, trying all sorts of medicine, and going through things I don't even want to imagine.

It makes me extremely grateful for the health of my family. Please say a few extra prayers for Stellan and his family!

I cannot imagine...

Oh my God! WARNING...this is a very sad story, but I cannot get it out of my head.
Please pray for this family. I cannot even imagine! I know this is rare, but these are the times I wish so badly that I could be home with Jenna everyday. That poor innocent little boy! I am going to give Jenna an extra hug and kiss today! Please do the same to all the kids you love!