Keeping a two year old sane in a hip spica cast!

The summer of 2012 with Grant in the hip spica cast was probably the hardest thing I've been through as a parent so far.  It's was physically and emotionally taxing for all of us.  Grant was so heavy and awkward in the cast, we had sore backs and arms for weeks.  He, of course, was uncomfortable, hot, itchy, stuck, and totally dependent.  We became very creative on trying to do "fun" things with Grant.  I've googled, searched, and You-Tubed many ideas to learn anything I can. 

This was one of Grant's favorite things to do, "tractor ride!"

 

We learned more than we ever wanted to know about the femur, hospital beds, positioning to avoid bed sores, car transportation and harnesses, and keeping a "stuck" two year old content. Most of all we were reminded how hard it can be at times to be a parent.  I wanted so badly to be the one that was hurt. 

He became a bit too obsessed with the ipad.  Look at those arm muscles!!

We were lucky to have a great Orthopedic Surgeon, who is also a friend, take care of us.  He reassured us, educated us, calmed us, and he and his staff were great with Grant.  Actually, Grant still often times talks about going to see Dr. Mike. 

Ice cream time with family!

We had the challenges of cleaning him, changing his diaper, feeding him, and keeping him comfortable. Jenna was a great big sister and was very helpful with Grant. She would lay on the floor and played with him, watched the same movies over and over with him. I will never be able to watch Cars or Monsters Inc. without thinking of that summer. Jenna would also be careful not to talk about fun things she was doing like going to the movies, swimming, playing outside. She was so considerate.

The hammock in the shade was another option for him to have a change of scenery,

At the time, the days dragged, and I marked a big black X on every day, to slowly see the end getting closer. It actually worked to our benefit that Grant was so young. He healed much faster than an older child or adult would. He was in the cast for almost six weeks. Just like they did to put him in the cast, they put him under anesthetic to remove it also. The cast is so big and it's a process, so it's easier this way.

getting some tummy time!

I was so excited and nervous that day. What if it was too early to take it off? What if he got hurt again? At least with that God awful cast he was protected. What if he was in a lot of pain? How would I hold him and move him around and be sure I wasn't hurting his leg? How scared would he be? We were going to have to prepare for a different norm for a while. 

Itchy itchy skin!

 

 

It's tough to nap in that cast.  He finally fell asleep while the vacuum was running.

Happy New Year 2013

I haven't fallen off the planet, but haven't blogged since September.  It's not for lack of content, I have so much I need to get on the blog about the kids and the last few months.  In the process of thinking about my resolutions for 2013 I know I need to keep up on the blog better.  In essence, this is a scrapbook for my kids and we can't miss out this stuff.

My goal is to blog once a week.  I need to spend some time catching up on the past few months, and get in the present.  I am also working on my thesis to graduate in May with my Masters, so there will be a lot of computer time coming up. 
Happy New Year!!!

Hip Spica Cast

Life in a hip spica cast for a just turned two year old is no fun.  There were many tears shed those first couple of weeks.  There were so many unknowns, questions, fears, worries, and a lot of helpless feelings. 

 

You can't see the harness, but Grant had to lay down in the car, with this special harness that connected to the seat belt. 

 

 

Looking back the first couple weeks in the cast were made worse by Grant still being in pain, having muscle spasms, being on some hard medicine, not pooping, not sleeping, not eating, etc.  There were so many other factors than just the physical cast.  The very hot summer we had didn't help, we literally were stuck in the air-conditioned house, unless we went for a walk early in the morning.

Our early morning walk on Grant's 2nd Birthday, June 19

 

I had a constant feeling of wishing it was me that was hurt, and then feeling sick to my stomach and helpless about Grant.  My mind kept going and going about what I could do with Grant to keep him content, busy, not thinking about his cast, eating and drinking enough, just anything to pass the time. 

The picture doesn't do it justice, but you can see a small normal ankle and foot and a swollen hurt one. 

 

Our (luckily) still empty formal dining room became a hospital room.  We had a hospital bed for Grant (and us when necessary) to sleep in, so he could be elevated and close to us, we had a pediatric wheelchair, and the special harness to transport him in the car since he couldn't sit in the car seat.

One of our many activities that lasted all of two minutes

Every day when I felt my lowest I'd think of the amazing parents who have kids with special needs or even kids with hip dysplasia and are in hip spica casts for months, sometimes years.  They are truly angels, this is no joke, by far, the most challenging thing I've been through.  Logically I knew it could have been worse, but what we were dealing with everyday was so hard.  I had to take FMLA at work, and basically our whole summer flew out the window. 

 

My poor sweet Grant!  I'm so glad your memory of this will only be through pictures and stories. 

Grant and the terrible horrible no good very bad day

*sorry the pictures are blurry, they are from my phone and I didn't transfer them over full size.

On June 17, Father's Day, we were enjoying a nice breakfast when everything changed in one second.  Jenna was still sitting at the kitchen table and I had just gotten Grant down from his seat.  He went behind Jenna and pulled back on her chair a bit.  She and the chair fell backwards right on Grant.  He started screaming right away and Erik scooped him right up.  He passed him off to me and Grant wasn't calming down like he usually does when I hold him.  He was flailing around and screaming harder.  While holding him I held him down towards the floor and we noticed his left leg limp looking.  Then right before our eyes we saw his left thigh swell to the size of a football.  We immediately got him in the car and went to ER.  Looking back we feel so bad that we moved him like we did and even put him in his carseat. 

This was taken about 30 minutes before he got hurt.  He was wearing his new Thomas underwear he got for his birthday over his diaper.  This is what he was wearing when we went to ER.

We got to ER and they got us back immediately.  Grant was sweating and screaming and I asked if he could have some pain meds, something was obviously wrong.  They said they needed to wait until after x-rays to see what was wrong since he might need an IV.  It was awful watching him in so much pain and not being able to help him.  I felt sick to my stomach.  They finally did the x-ray and got the results quickly.  The doctor called me out of Grant's room to show me the x-ray while Erik stayed with Grant.

He said he broke his femur, the largest and strongest bone in his body.
He said he may need surgery, this could be very bad with the veins and arteries in the thigh.
He said he needed to be transferred to a Children's Hospital immediately.
He said he wanted to air lift him, he needed to be seen by a Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon.

The X-Ray of the broken femur

I felt dizzy and sick.  We were prepared for a broken bone, but didn't think it would be something that we needed to be transferred for.  Meanwhile, they were trying to get an IV in Grant for pain meds.  They tried both arms and hands and couldn't get it in.  Erik was with him most of this time while I cowardly watched from the hall.  It's heartbreaking to watch your child go through this.  I wanted to break my own leg right then and there and let him be okay.  Erik and I would GLADY take his place if we could.  They finally got the IV in his foot.

We were then told the Children's Hospital's weren't sending the helicopters due to bad storms.  They decided to send him via ambulance.  Erik sat on the hospital bed and held Grant the whole time on the ambulance ride to Helen DeVos Children's Hospital.  I went home to pack bags and make sure Jenna was okay with my parents before I drove there by myself.  That was a VERY LONG DRIVE!  Poor Jenna was so sad and worried.  She felt guilty even though it wasn't her fault.

We were admitted to the Children's ER and they gave him a much higher dose of pain meds which we were so thankful for.  The doctor came in and said a lot of stuff...basically I heard:

Erik was stuck in this position for many hours just to keep Grant somewhat comfortable.This was in the ER at the Children's Hospital

Doctor:  Bad break...due to his age we aren't going to do surgery...you were lucky the break didn't puncture his skin...we'll do what's called a hip spica cast...we put him under full anesthetic to do it...we'll move you up to pre-surgery soon.

Me: So, will he be okay?  Can you spell the name of that cast for me?  I want to google it. 

There had already been many tears by all of that morning so when I googled "hip spica cast" I just started crying.  I remember thinking, are you serious?  He is not even two years old, he won't be able to move, he will be stuck and miserable, it's summer and hot out, how will we do this, I don't think I'll be at work for a while.  There were so many thoughts going through our heads.  While we waited to be moved we were visited by great team members, a case manager who was taking care of us, offering us sandwiches and something to drink, an ipad to email family, anything.  We were just trying to keep Grant comfortable enough and stay quiet if he was quiet. 

We had to wait a while for his turn in surgery since there was only one Orthopedic surgeon there and they had a couple emergencies come in, much worse than Grant.  They did a good job at keeping him someone comfortable with meds until it was his turn.  They took him back, asked us what color we wanted to cast (Erik picked red since Elmo and Lightening McQueen are both red) and we were sent to the waiting room. 

This is what we saw when we were called back to see him and he was waking up.  It was so sad.

Grant and his red hip spica cast, my heart was breaking

The next day in the hospital the Physical Therapists showed us how to position him on his stomach

 Much more of the story to come...

Happy New Year! Welcome 2012!

Happy New Year!  We've had a good year in our household, but are hoping for an even better 2012.  As always, we've been busy and hectic, and I haven't blogged much at all.  There are a lot of pictures and posts I need to work on.  That's one of my goals (not resolutions) for the year.  I know I can't blog every day like some, but I will make a true effort to do it more.

In the meantime, we are packing up and moving!  Don't ask me where because we don't know yet.  We wanted/needed more space, so we put our house up in mid December thinking it would take months to sell.  Our house sold after 3 days on the market!!  So, we are scrambling to pack, organize, transport my HUGE garage sale pile, and find a place to live all by the week of January 23.  Oh, and all of this inbetween the kids, working, taking graduate classes, and sleeping...
to be continued...

True Life

Monday Morning...good to see you!

No, I'm not being sarcastic.

It's true, I feel like world's worst Mom, but I'm glad it's Monday. Having kids is the best thing ever, but also, truly the hardest!

Grant is teething and has a cold, and yesterday evening was one of the worst with him. Finally Motrin and teething gel calmed him down, and thank God, he slept all night.

I love him more than anything, but if you stop by my house you will see us in old lounge clothes with not just burp clothes, but BIG receiving blankets draped over us at all angles. Grant spits up...no I don't mean a little spit up now and then. This is crazy spit up. When he was a newborn, I was actually hoping he had Pyloric Stenosis and would need surgery just so it might get better. Then I hoped by 6 months it would be a lot better, then by the time he was sitting up, then when he was eating some solids. Well, all of those mile markers have came and went and it's not better.

I fear going anywhere with him because he will soak me or wherever we are. I fear anyone else holding him, I warn them, and they say it's fine, but they honestly have no idea of the magnitude of his spitting up. Even his big sister, who loves him more than anything, will tell him she's "frustrated" with him spitting up. It's bad if he eats 2 ounces, or six. It's bad if he just ate or ate three hours ago. It wakes him up. The poor ladies at daycare, they are sweet and say it's not a big deal, but it has to be. They walk around with a spray bottle of cleaner to clean up the floor, toys, wherever it lands. When he started at daycare I brought a bunch of burp clothes, and they said so innocently, "Oh, we provide burp clothes, 2 per child." Bless their hearts! I told them that was no where near enough.

Luckily, he's not in pain and it doesn't' seem to bother him much. Let me tell you, it bothers us and our water and electric bill from all of our laundry we have to do. It also bothers our carpet, couches, and clothes. Oh and even better, now it can be colored spit up! Isn't that great?! Maybe orange sweet potato flavored, or green beans...it's nice!

Yes, we've tried different formula, different bottles, rice cereal in his bottles, 3 different types of medicine, different feeding schedules...it's not getting better. His pediatrician is FINALLY referring us to a specialist. I think she thought it would be getting better by now. IT'S NOT! Every time we have a doctor appt. for Grant I pray he will spit up like crazy in front of her so she can see how much I'm NOT exaggerating. Isn't that awful? Last week he did it for the nurse, which is better than nothing. She's always said "some babies are just spitter uppers, he's growing well and doesn't seem in pain. He'll grow out of it." I guarantee if she came to our house for one day, she's be thinking differently.

I dream of the day I can hold my baby without being covered in burp clothes, without having to change my shirt or pants because they become a victim too. I dream of the day I can lift him up over my head and play with him, without getting a face mask of spit up.

Wow...my dreams sure have changed over the last 4 years.

Wow, it's been a while...

Time flies when you're having fun...or at least when you're really busy! I've had a nagging thought in the back of my mind for months now...I MUST update my blog. Not only to keep friends and family in the know of what's going on with the kids, but this also houses my documentation of stories, pictures, changes, and more, of the kids.

Every night we get the kids down, wash bottles, prep for the next morning, and then finally get a breather, which sometimes includes eating dinner at 8:00pm. At 9:00 the thoughts start going through my head, I should work out, I should blog, I should clean, do laundry, pay bills, etc... All I want to do is sit down, relax, and breath for a minute before crashing in bed.

I will do individual kid posts soon, complete with pictures. We are all doing well busy, had a great Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas (yes, it's been that long since I've wrote). I'm getting ready to start grad classes again in January, so add one more thing to the list, and as of right now we're all healthy (knocking on wood.)

Stay tuned...

Dear Grant and Jenna,

Dear Grant and Jenna,

This is just a quick letter to let you know I do realize I owe you both letters, updates, and pictures on the blog. But, the truth is, I can't keep up with my life! I try to tell myself not to worry about my never ending to do list and to enjoy every moment I have with the two of you. I know I will get adjusted and things will get easier, but for now, I can't do it all.



My organization obsession is only lending me more stress right now. I have multiple lists on my memo pad on my phone. Long term to do's, regular to do's, to buy list, groceries, etc. Each night we get home from work and are busy nonstop. We make and feed bottles, make dinner, eat dinner, give you both baths, try to pick up in the inbetweens, play time, getting ready for bed, read books, put you to bed. Then we clean up, wash and prepare bottles for the next day, maybe finish laundry or go through paperwork for daycare, maybe sit on the couch for a few minutes of tv, then go to bed to do it all over again. I know this is nothing special, and every parent goes through it, but I still feel the need to explain it to you. The math just doesn't add up, going from one kid to two is more than double the work... What in the world did I do before I had two kids when I thought I was busy?!



With all that said, I love you both more than anything! I try to play with you, remember these times and enjoy the moments when we are all together. My ultra organized self may have to take a back seat to crumbs and dirty burp clothes on the floor, screaming filled car rides, birthday cards getting sent late or not at all, and a crazy life where I'm never able to catch up.


But, I wouldn't change a thing. In the words of Jenna, after realizing she and Grant both slept all night long the other night, "We sure are great kids."

Yes honey, you sure are!

Good Thing He's Cute!

It's a good thing Grant is so cute! The poor guy has been dealing with some stomach discomfort and a lot of spitting up! I feel so bad for him but at the same time it's so frustrating for me too. These issues can lead to lots and lots of crying, fussiness, and both of us having to change shirts a lot. We are working on different formulas and meds, hopefully we will see a change soon.

My Birth Story

I wanted to get this down in writing before I start to forget some of the details and pain!

We went in on Saturday, June 19 at about 8:30 am. We went in for a scheduled induction due to low amniotic fluid. By the time we got all the paperwork and questions answered, and got hooked up to the monitors, got the IV in (My hand and then arm weren't cooperating for that), it was about 10:15 am before they actually started the pitocin. At that point I was about 60% effaced and 1.5-2 centimeters dilated.

It was a slow start, the Dr. didn't want to break my water right away due to the low fluid, we didn't want to cause any stress to the baby. So, from about 10:30 to 3:00 it was fairly slow. Not a ton of change and progress. I was having regular contractions about 2-3 minutes apart but they were fairly easy to get through, just uncomfortable. They kept increasing my pitocin every half an hour.

At 3:30 to doctor came in to break my water, I was about 3-4 cm at this time. I also ended up getting my epidural at this time. I was in pain, and the anesthesiologist was already there for another lady so I didn't want him to have to be called back in. I'm not sure what happened, but the epidural didn't quite work right. We didn't' know this right away at the time though. It did make my whole left leg really numb and not as much my belly or the pain. The pain was still bearable so I didn't let it bother me, but I knew right away it felt different than I felt going through this with Jenna.

The meds in the epidural caused my blood pressure to go really really low. The nurses were worried and they had the cuff checking my blood pressure every 5 minutes. They said if I were to get out of bed I would most likely just pass out. It was low, like 79/39 low. It wasn't getting better despite trying different positions, pumping a TON of fluid into me, and giving me meds to raise it. Luckily the baby was looking great through all of this and didn't react to my body being stressed.

So, eventually my blood pressure started going up and my pain was going up. I called the nurse in and told her I was feeling way more pain than I knew I should be feeling with the epidural. She checked me and I was 6 cm. She said she thought I would go really fast now and since the meds made my blood pressure so low they couldn't do more or change anything, so pretty much, deal with it. I literally had tears running down my face, and I felt like I was never going to get to 10!

The nurse called the doctor and told her it would be soon and started to get my room ready for delivery. The doctor came in and was prepping to deliver the lady in the room next to us. Of course, two of us start going into active labor at the same time. I was in so much pain and felt so bad that it actually made me throw up. I gave Erik just enough notice to throw a pan under my mouth. The nurse was happy saying it was a good sign of transition into pushing.

Meanwhile, Erik was trying to do anything he could to help, which wasn't much. He got me ice chips, chapstick, and letting me break his hand while I held it during contractions. At this point the nurse was right, things were going fast (thank God) and I was at an 8 and the baby was really low. I was crying, couldn't talk, felt like I was going to pass out from the pain. I KNOW I was not supposed to be feeling like this but it was too late to do anything now. It was the point of no return. Erik said it was the first time he heard me say that I couldn't do something. How dumb, I remember saying, "I can't do this." Yeah, like I had a choice!

The nurse came in and said, "You're at a 10, you're complete." She tried to get the doctor in and the doctor was still delivering the other lady's baby. The nurse then said to us, "don't worry, I've delivered babies before." This made me cry even more, our doctor is our friend and I really wanted her to deliver this baby. The nurse said the baby was right there and at that moment the doctor came running in, got ready and told me to push. I was in so much pain and felt like I couldn't do it, and she told me what I needed to hear. She said he was so low and so right there that she thought I could do it in one good push. She was right, I did!!!! Grant came out after one long push. It hurt so bad and the pressure in unbelievable, it's also the weirdest feeling, a baby coming out of you. I didn't feel all that with Jenna due to the epidural, I felt pain with her but NOTHING like this.

I remember Erik and the doctor yelling at me to open my eyes and then Grant was laying on my chest! I was so relieved he was okay and he was out of me! It's the most pain I've ever been in but he was worth it!

After he came out, I'll spare you the details, but we had the same problems that we did with Jenna with my placenta. So, after that ordeal was over, all was good!

I started pitocin at 10:15 am
They broke my water at 3:30 pm (this is when they technically say labor starts)
Grant was born at 10:21 pm.

It truly is an unbelievable experience and looking back at it now, I'm kinda glad I felt the pain, it makes me feel so strong and amazed at what our bodies can do. Okay, now I'm getting all teary eyed. I want to remember this feeling since it's most likely our last baby.

I know forever have the memories and experience of laboring and birthing my two kids. I have the flabby belly and stretch marks to prove it and I couldn't be happier with my family!

The Good, the bad, and the ugly!

With my due date fast approcahing, only 63 days away, I thought I'd do a pregnancy post. Please understand that I'm so grateful to be pregnant, after one year of trying and a miscarriage, but it doesn't mean things are easy.

This pregnancy is SO different than my one with Jenna. I am trying to enjoy it, and am fully aware this could be my last pregnancy, but sometimes it's so hard.

The Good
In 63 days or less I will be holding my little baby boy!

I can't wait to see Jenna be a big sister, I know she will do great (or at least I hope!)

I don't have to suck in my stomach while pregnant

Feeling life inside of me! Even though sometimes he hurts me, I love feeling him move all around

Erik and I are so excited to add to our family!

Having a valid reason to get regular pedicures, I can't reach my toes and Erik doesn't want to paint them...so, salon - here I come!

The Bad

Um...aching and hurting hips and pelvic bones, seriously, I can feel them spreading and moving!

Heartburn and reflux so bad it leaves me throwing up at night.

Rolling out of bed and trying to get off the couch like I'm a hippo, nothing is easy.

Colds and headaches and not being able to take anything stronger than a sweetart (tylenol does nothing for me.)

Back aches

Bending over literally takes my breath away, I can hardly put on socks or shoes

This symptom doesn't bother me, but I snore at night now and keep Erik awake. (Hey - it that's the sacrifice he has to make while I'm making a person, he can deal with it!)

Awful morning (yeah right, I wish) sickness my first three months.

Getting up 3-6 times a night to go to the bathroom, seriously, how is it possible to really have to pee every 15 minutes?

The Ugly

Swollen ankles and fingers

Leaking boobs - love it!

Stretch marks - need I say more?

Twinkle Toes...or Maybe Not

Jenna has been in a dance class called Jazznastics now since January. It is only her and two other girls. In the beginning she loved it, she loved getting to wear her dance outfit, she loved dancing, music, the whole thing. Her teacher even told us for a 3 year old she can "really hear the music" and dances to the beat and listens to it instead of just doing whatever. It was so much fun to watch her.

Now fast forward to three weeks ago, all of the sudden she hates it! We've taken her anyway the last two weeks and she's done okay part of the class, and then breaks down in tears. I don't know what it is. She just says she doesn't like dance class anymore and doesn't want to go.

Of course she tells me this AFTER I pay an additional $80 for her recital fee and costume!

So, today at 5:30 is dance class, I asked her this morning which dance outfit she wanted to wear and she started crying right away. She cried the whole way to school about not wanting to go.

What do I do? I'd rather have her not just quit with the recital coming up May 22, but I also don't want to make her do something she hates. It's supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Plus, believe me when I say, I don't need one more reason for her to throw a tantrum!


I know, how can this cute little face throw such tantrums?!?!

Another Morning, Another Tantrum

Sorry I haven't blogged much lately, life is getting in the way!

Jenna, Jenna, Jenna...where do I begin?
You are three now and the most fun you've ever been...usually.

Jenna is so much fun; her language, stories, interest, curiosity, humor, everything.
Except...our mornings. Every morning is a fight, tantrum, and breakdown. She is usually okay when she first wakes up, she goes on the couch, gets milk and a poptart, and watches cartoons.

The explosion starts when I try to get her dressed. She is SO into what she wears lately, and is beyond picky! I mean, more picky than Vera Wang probably is.

These pants are too short!
Not these pants, my black ones!
This shirt to too big!
These pants don't match my underwear!
This doesn't match my coat!
I want my other shoes!
I'm not beautiful, this doesn't match!
I don't want to wear this, I want a dress!

NOTHING I put her in makes her happy. I have to dress her while she is crying, yelling at me, fussing around. You try dressing a 35 pound, strong, fighting, resisting three year old. NOT EASY!

I'm left exhausted before I even leave the house. I realize some of this is my fault. When I was little, I wanted to wear dresses everyday. I changed into different dresses 3-5 times throughout the day. But, I really don't think I threw tantrums about it...
Okay fine, when I started school and had to wear pants on the days we had gym class I remember crying. But that's it. Seriously, I don't know what to do with this kid!

I tried taking her shopping to let her pick our her clothes. I tried having her help me lay two different outfits out the night before, so she could pick one in the morning.

I've tried just saying, "too bad, this is what you're wearing." Which results in crying and yelling until we get to school. This is an option, but I'm not thrilled with it.

My options, as I see it, are to either:
1. Bring her to daycare in the pajama's and let her wear them all day. (I used to see kids like that and think what was their mother thinking! Sorry moms, I now know!)
2. Dress her in her clothes for the next day to sleep in, so we don't have to change in the morning. Maybe the tantrums won't be so bad the night before?! I worry with her fashion attitude and sense of matching, she will not be okay with wearing clothes to bed.

Whatever the answer may be, it needs to be figured out in three months or less! I am not going to deal with this with a new baby, when mornings are even harder!

And it starts...

I am truly amazed at what people have the nerve to say, especially to a pregnant lady. Do people really have no tact or thoughtfulness?
When I was pregnant with Jenna I got to the point where every time someone tried to offer or tell me advice on what I should or shouldn't do, or eat or anything, I would respond back with, "Oh, wow, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were an OB doctor!!" It shut them up every time.

Looks like it's starting again. So far, I've had two insensitive rude comments made to me, I'm only halfway there.

Last week a lady asked me if my pregnancy was planned or a surprise. Seriously - do you have a right to know that or even really want to know the answer? What if I had said,
"Oh, total surprise, I hate babies and can't believe I'm pregnant!" What would she have said?

Or does she want the other story,
"Planned, we tried for a year, had a miscarriage, went to the doctor, had multiple tests done, was charting, temping, planning, and scheduled an appointment with an RE before we found out we were pregnant."

Honestly people, think before you speak. Just say, "Congratulations, that's so wonderful!" And be done!

My next rude conversation was just last night. An older couple asked me when I was due, I'm just starting to show more, here is the conversation.

Them: So, how much longer do you have?
Me: A while, due date is very beginning of July.
Them: Oh wow, you must be like me honey, have you gained a lot of weight?
Me: (trying not to hit them) No, actually I've only gained one pound and I'm halfway done. Everything is on track and we are having a boy. (me trying to change the subject.)
Them: Well, yes, a BIG boy!!!


Honestly...I don't know how much more of this I can take! What should my comeback be this time???

Bad Day

Picture this...the song "I've had a bad day" playing, me feeling like crap, having a bad day at work, wanting to cry...

This picture pretty much sums up how I feel! Who else is having one of those days?!

Give us a break!!

Please...give us a break! No more hospital visits, surgeries, medical issues...We've each had our share now! I had my miscarriage, Erik has his stay in the hospital for chest pains, and now Jenna! Of course, I would have gladly broken my leg if she wouldn't have had to go through this, but it didn't happen like that! We deserve a break! Of course, yes, things could have been worse, but it has just been draining the last couple of months.

Last week was awful! Jenna fell at school and chipped and fractured her front tooth vertically, which resulted in surgery on Friday morning to remove the tooth. It was painful physically and emotionally for all of us! Our beautiful little girl now has a big gap in her smile and most likely will until her permanent tooth comes in. The tooth is actually in two pieces! She was sedated and had an IV and then proceeded to get sick after coming out of the anesthetic. We are doing a follow up to see if there is a bridge or spacer they can put in, until then we are letting her heal! She is as cute as ever to me and was SUCH a trooper through the whole process.

Here are a few pictures.


The last picture I took of Jenna with her smile and teeth intact!



The tooth and chin after the fall at daycare.



Her smile this morning after surgery!

Stop the Tude!

Oh my! Yes, Jenna is smart, funny, cute, blah blah blah! She has a major attitude lately. I think she is too smart for her own good. For some reason, she decides to pull this attitude mostly with me. She's great for family, friends, and even Erik usually. I get the majority of it. It's so weird, one minute she's telling me I'm her best friend and favorite person in the world and the next she's screaming, yelling, pushing me away! It's awful! If she doesn't get a chocolate treat when she asks, you'd think I told her I was taking her birthday away.

I know, she's 2.5 and I keep hearing it will continue through the trying 3's also! UGH - I'm exhausted already! A few weeks ago, we went to a family reunion. It was awful. I know she's not great in crowds and there were a lot of people there, but she was bad! Bad in the sense that I sat in the car with her most of the day watching Clifford the Big Red Dog bad! She could not even handle it! She wanted cake, she wanted candy, she wanted to leave, and on and on.

I recently tried to get her pictures taken professionally. I don't have the proofs yet, and the lady is really good, but we'll see how good she really is! I was so tired after the 1.5 hours of the shoot, I wanted to cry. Jenna was not good, the bride of chocolate and smarties didn't even phase her! What?! That always works!

"No, I don't want to sit there! I'm not going to smile, I don't want wear that, I don't want to go there! No, I'm never going to do that!"

If she did "smile" it was her fake cheesy camera smile. Honey - that is not what I'm paying all this money for! So, more to come on those, but I don't think we will be doing professional photos again until she is five!

Give me strength, and a mute button, and a vacation!

Mini panic attack

Last night I was awoken at 2am to Jenna crying "Mommy! Mommy, I hurt!!" I jumped out of bed and my foot was tangled in the sheet, so I almost fell out of bed! I ran to her room, her door was open and Jenna wasn't in there. Then I saw her standing in the hallway near the living room.

It was dark but as I got closer I saw something dark all over her shirt and her face! I stared to panic, I wasn't thinking totally straight since I had just woken up. She told me she was hurt and then said she had a boogie and needed a Kleenex! It turns out she had a bloody nose! Oh my gosh, I calmed down and cleaned her up. I had to turn a light on so she started asking to watch cartoons, and read, and get a drink because she was "pretty thirsty".

Anyway, I had to take the sheets off her bed and stain guard them and get her cleaned up and back down to sleep. So, all is fine. What the heck, was she picking her nose while she was sleeping? Who will ever know!

Sad

I'm not sure why I feel the need to share this with the Internet, but in a way writing about it is cathartic for me.

It's been a rough, sad couple of weeks for us! Last week we went through a miscarriage. It was and still is sad for me, although at this point right now I am mad. I hate how common they are, I hate that three of my best friends went through this too, and I hate it happened to me. I feel sad and empty.


We want a little brother or sister for Jenna so bad, and I know one day we will be pregnant again and have that, but right now it's hard. We've gone through so many emotions from excitement, to worry, to being anxious, to being sad, and now we are trying to be hopeful.

If there is any positive out of this, it's been a great reminder on how lucky we are to have the friends and family that we have. Everyone has been so supportive and have been there for us. There isn't anything anyone can say or do to make it better, but just the fact that people call to say sorry and just say they are thinking of us is nice.

I'm bitter right now, I know that's not in my normal personality traits, but it's the truth right now. I get asked every day

"When are you gonna have another?"

"It's time for Jenna to have a sister or brother!"

"The clocks ticking...don't you want them close together?"

"When is number two coming along?"

These comments didn't used to bother me, in fact, I'm sure at some point in my life I've said them to someone else (sorry!).

I just want to scream to them,
"We've been trying for nine months!!! We finally got pregnant and then had a miscarriage! So shut up!"

At which point, they would think I was a crazy hormonal lady and probably try to have me committed.

Anyway, I'm sorry for anyone who went through this or is going through it now. Infertility and losses are not fair and there is no way to explain why it happens.

We are looking forward to moving on and I'm very happy to be feeling physically better as well.

Can I...can I...can I...

This is becoming a very common start to sentences in our house now. While I appreciate that she is asking and saying full complete sentences, it can get a little overwhelming!

Can I buy this sucker?
Can I have some of that?
Can I help you?
Can I have some chocolate?
Can I do it?
Can I go to school?
Can I watch a movie?
Can I have another sucker?
Can I have a snack?
Can I do that?
Can I go outside in the pool?
Can I...Can I...Can I!

CAN I GET A MOMENT OF SILENCE???